Time warps

I am doing a 21 day meditation with Oprah and Deepak.  I ran across the link on Facebook and figured I could use the encouragement and structure of a challenge.  This challenge is all about reframing your relationship with time.  I have an issue with time.  As in, I don’t have enough of it.  I spend a lot of it thinking and worrying and talking about how I don’t have enough of it it. Then I procrastinate by doing things I don’t REALLY love because I know that I don’t have enough time to do what I need to do, so why not put off even longer my engagement with this task for which I don’t have enough time??

Consequently, I end up facing a task (e.g. homework) by first making some coffee.  Then I will check Facebook. Then I will remember that I need to text my brother.  Then I will throw a load of laundry in.  And maybe do the dishes.  And then eat some chocolate.  And then.  Maybe then.  I will sit down and study.  And LO!  It’s not so bad.  It’s actually interesting.  I am actually learning.

So, obviously, I really need Oprah and Deepak to help me with this unhealthy relationship with time.  Each morning they email me a link to a meditation.  Each day you are given a centering thought along with a  Sanksrit mantra that you repeat for the duration of the meditation.  Today’s centering thought is; The only real time is here and now. The mantra is: Om Hreem – Pure transparent awareness is my essential nature.

Doing these meditations has increased my awareness of my skewed view of time.  I more easily observe the aforementioned pattern and break out of it occasionally. For example, on Thursday night, I finally got out my 2″ stack of handwritten flashcards and started reviewing them and separating them into Things I know, Things I Don’t Know, and Things I Kinda Know.  Ninety minutes flew by!  I had assimilated some new information. Yet, the evening was still rather young!  I had time for a walk.  Time for a chat with Tim.  I felt as if I had entered some sort of time warp.  Somehow much more time had appeared in an evening!!

That was Thursday.  I haven’t experienced that bliss again since then, but at least I know it’s possible now. 🙂  I think the real key is just to FOCUS.  Let everything go except that ONE thing you are doing right now.  That one moment expands into a deep ocean where time does not exist, or at least it’s slowed waaaaay down.  You can swim around in the flow and then come back up for air, at which point the clock ticks to the next minute.  It’s happened once, so I know it’s possible!

That’s been my focus for the week.  I will continue to work on my Focusing skills, because in November I have 4 tests and 1 quiz, so I need some depth and breadth of nonlinear time! I keep telling myself that I am part of Oneness, and in Oneness are oodles of brilliant juicy brains who already know all the stuff I am learning.  If I can chill the #$@ out, and invite in spaciousness and tenderness and connection, I will do just fine.  Part of me believes that, at least. 🙂

Speaking of time warps, last weekend I went home for the first time in 6 weeks.  I literally had to look at my calendar before I typed that because it seems as if it was ages ago already!!  Could it have just been LAST WEEKEND?  While it was awesome to see my friends and family again, it was odd to be home.  Home is not really home now. It’s a pretty empty house where I felt like a guest – pulling PJs out of a backpack instead of a dresser, pulling my face lotion out of my travel pack instead of the medicine cabinet.  I really wonder where HOME will be for us. Once Tim moves down here, will this apartment feel like HOME?  Or will we just feel like temporary residents until we decide where to go after school?

I am traveling home week after next for Thanksgiving and then the weekend after that for a conversion project at work.  I’m going to get really good at studying on airplanes.  On my flight home last weekend, I brought my Trail Guide flashcards to review.  The guy next to me observed that I was studying and then proceeded to talk to me for the 2 hour flight about his biology degree, his job, his family, etc.  I murmured polite responses and then would return to studying.  He continued to look over my shoulder and comment on how he still remembered a lot of the bones/muscles, etc.  So I finally just surrendered to the flow and talked to him for the rest of the plane ride.  I think ear buds are required next trip. 🙂

Hope you have a fabulous time-rich Sunday!