Have you ever seen the TV show Firefly? I may have mentioned this in other posts, but it’s my most favoritist TV show. The writing is gorgeous, the characters are nuanced, faulty, and real. The setting (a space western J) lends itself well to investigating lots of salient topics. It’s a story about a rag tag bunch of humans who, via a beautiful concerto of the Universe, end up together on Serenity, a smuggling ship, flying around the galaxy, doing odd jobs in order to survive and live how they want to live – free. I say all this to introduce you to the episode “Our Mrs. Reynolds” from which this snippet of dialogue was taken:
Saffron: Do you know the myth of Earth-That-Was?
Wash: Not so much.
Saffron: That when she was born, she had no sky, and was open, inviting. And the stars would rush into her, through the skin of her…
Wash: Huh.
Saffron: …making the oceans boil with sensation. And when she could endure no more ecstasy, she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky.
Wash: Whoa. Good myth.
Can you imagine “boiling” with sensation? What is your relationship with sensation? When I first watched this episode, this interchange made me feel the sensation of uncomfortable. Experiencing sensation – hmm – who has time or capacity for that?? Who KNOWS how to do that? And SHOULD we do that? Or should we just rely on our juicy brains, plugged into computers and the internet and our phones to live our digital, non-sensual lives?
Well, it turns out that feeling sensation, feeling feelings, is actually a pretty crucial part of being human. Feelings/emotions are what motivate us to take action, and our actions are what lead to the results we have in life. I think I was first introduced to this concept with clarity when I started listening to The Life Coach School podcast. The creator of that podcast, Brooke Castillo, teaches “The Self Coaching Model” which basically states that everything in life can be broken down into 5 categories:
Circumstances – the neutral fact
Thoughts – what we think about that fact (what we make it mean)
Feelings – how those thoughts make us feel
Actions – what we do when we feel that way
Results – what happens due to the actions we take
Well, come to find out, Brooke did not invent this (not that she claims that she invented it). In fact, the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Hindu text written between 5th – 2nd century BCE, talks about how thoughts, when fed and repeated and nurtured, become desires, then habits, then ways of living. In order to reach enlightenment, humans need to train their minds to be alike in pleasure and pain, which to me means we need to be able to process emotion – not resist it, not get consumed by it, just experience it all.
When we resist feeling something because it’s uncomfortable to feel it, it constrains our behavior. We avoid taking action in order to avoid feeling some sort of way. And while we may think we are just resisting feeling the ugly negative stuff, what seems to happen is that when we can’t feel the tough emotions – the shame and grief, we lose capacity to experience emotions on the other end of the spectrum – the bliss and ecstasy. It leaves us feeling a bit dull and monochromatic.
I’ve heard from a few different teachers that emotions only last 90 seconds if we ALLOW them to be there. If we take a moment, pause, and sit down and watch our inner state with an intention of curiosity, acceptance, allowance, then instead of being tamped down and ignored, the emotion and the energy associated with it can pass on through.
This is a practice I have been working with, because avoiding feeling things is preventing me from doing what I want to do with this life – which is to live it fully and not be so fearful and overly worried all the time!
I offer to a you a few ideas for processing your emotions, in case you too struggle with this.
- When I reach for my phone instinctively, I try to pause and notice what I am feeling, or more pointedly, what I am trying NOT to feel by looking at my phone? For you this could be: reaching for a cookie, or checking email, or even going for a run – there are lots of ways we choose to numb out and not feel.
- If I am in a time and place where I can do it, I will set the timer on my phone and take a breather, and just sit and watch what is going on inside. Where do I feel the sensation? Does it move anywhere as I look at it? Does it have a shape? Does it want to be touched?
- I work on this stuff with professionals. Sometimes I just find it too hard to slow MYSELF down and notice what I’m feeling. But if I have another human being with me, reminding me to slow down, to take the time to notice, to be there for me if I need help, then I’m more apt to wander into that territory. I’ve done this work with my business coach (because – oh man – being scared of feeling failure, embarrassment, and rejection is a GREAT way to never get your business off the ground), my therapist, and a few Somatic Experiencing Practitioners.
If you want to explore what it’s like to have someone hold space for you while you notice what is going on in your nervous system, I am offering embodiment coaching sessions. I offer 30 minute Zoom sessions which consist mostly of guided meditation and conversation where I help you stay present with your sensations. We start by exploring what feels pleasant in your body, and then we can (depending on your comfort level), start to explore something that feels a bit more challenging just a LITTLE bit. Then we go back to the pleasant sensation. I also offer 60-minute in-person sessions which would be customized to you. They could include meditation, self-massage, movement – all practices designed to help you learn the language of sensation in your body and to help you slow down and notice what’s going on in there. I’ve found that being able to tune in to the subtle messages from my body helps me take better care of myself – I can tell when I need a break, when I need some water, when I need to pee! I can tell when a decision FEELS right or wrong. I can tell when I’m starting to get amped up. It’s a practice, and it takes time and patience, but being able to tune in to the wisdom of the body is critically important to living a life aligned with who you really are! Here is a link to book with me if this idea floats your boat.
If you are interested in diving in to this topic a bit more, here are some resources for you:
- The Life Coach School Podcast – Success and Your Feelings – I’ve listened to this one 3 times because it reminds me that while this is hard work, it’s worth it.
- I find it SUPER hard to cry, which is a way our body processes emotions. I watched “The Notebook” but to no avail. I listened to this guided meditation, and it brought up so many memories of our pooch, Lucent, who passed away several years ago. It helped me let go of some stuff I’m been holding in for 6-7 years.
- Expanding your sensation vocabulary can be difficult – you are literally learning a new language!! Here are some words that might open up new awareness for you: moving up, constricted, buzzing, opening, warmth, tension, lightness, relaxing, tingling, itching, burning, tightness, achy, frozen, rolling, airy, full, furry, sharp, shimmering, blocked, gurgling, hard, heavy, silky, icy, spacious, clammy, sticky, congested, loose, cool, tender, throbbing, energized, expanding, radiating, light. Did you know your body could feel al that?
I know I’ve talked about Feeling Feelings before, but I think it’s super important and super difficult to do, so I wanted to share a bit more about it.
Space to be Human Updates
- LOCATION: I am still at Davenport Acupuncture for now, but keep your eyes peeled for a NEW LOCATION announcement coming soon.
- Did you know you can find me on Instagram @space2bhuman? I’m going to be posting some “tiny little action steps” in March – little things you can do to improve your wellbeing.
Well, I better sign off. We need to go spend a small fortune at Theisens in order to get ready for Huehue’s imminent arrival! Hope you have a sensational Sunday!
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