Romans 7:19: “For I do not do the good that I wish, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice.”
The scripture above is one that pops into my head with regularity. I guess because it’s a situation in which I often find myself. I WANT to do “good” (e.g. eat healthy, meditate, take action on my goals, etc.), but what is “evil” is what I do (“evil” being relative, you understand)! I eat potato chips and sardines for lunch because making a salad seems like too much work. I forsake meditation, with the intention of really getting back on track tomorrow. I make lists of tasks to elevate myself and my business, and each morning, I put a < next to most of them and move them to a mythical date in the future where motivation and time will mix in a magical brew, and I’ll GET SHIT DONE.
Evidently I am not alone in this whole “doing evil when I want to do good” conundrum.
I’m currently reading “Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind,” and I’m reminded that I’m not a flawed human. I’m just human. And humans repeatedly do what they are rewarded to do. At some point in the past 47 years, my brain got rewarded for eating chips (YUM! Let’s do that again!) and procrastinating (if we DON’T do that thing, then we don’t go through the pain of doing something hard!). So my brain keeps doing that out of habit. We are creatures who seek pleasure, avoid pain, and do so as efficiently as possible.
As I ponder what to write next, I notice a twinge of hunger. Maybe I should go get a snack, and come back to this when I’m ready!!
Ha! I caught myself!
And that, my friends, is what this book is all about. The book is about creating awareness around habits and then giving the brain a BBO (bigger better offer).
Here’s the process for changing habits, as laid out in the book:
Step 1: Map Your Mind
Write down the triggers, behaviors, and results you get from the behavior. By doing this, you can start to unravel the mystery of you and build awareness around how your mind works. Here’s a couple of examples from the book:
Trigger: Anxiety in the morning from seeing how much work needs to be done
Behavior: Procrastination
Result/Reward: Avoidance. which feels more rewarding than the anxiety
Trigger: Anxiety in the late afternoon
Behavior: Start drinking
Reward: Numbing, forgetting, feeling intoxicated
Step 2: Update the Reward Value
This involves helping your brain become aware of the REAL reward of a behavior. It might be operating based on old information! To do this, we bring awareness to our habits and pause and notice what the results of the behavior FEEL like in our body. In the book, Dr. Brewer uses the example of one of my favorite things – eating chips whilst watching TV.
Trigger: Time of day
Behavior: Mindlessly eat chips
Result: Hmm – how did those chips taste? I wasn’t even paying attention.
Our brain “sets and forgets” reward values. When I first tasted chips, I’m sure I got a huge dopamine squirt. Not only were they super tasty, but my first memory of eating chips is woven into a treasured memory:
My Dad is sitting in his easy chair in the living room of our old farmhouse, a can of King Oscar sardines covered in salt & pepper and a bag of Lays by his side. As my brothers and I intently watch every movement of his hands, he fishes out a big, perfect chip, lays a skinny salty peppery sardine dripping with oil on to the chip, and then doles one out to each of us. He shared his precious snack with us! It was fun. It was tasty. It made me feel loved. No wonder my brain attaches a HUGE reward value to chips.
BUT, when I pause and actually notice in PRESENT TIME rewards for chips, that same reward value is not there. What am I actually getting from chips TODAY? Some tastiness, sure, but also a lot of calories without much nutrition.
Paying attention and bringing curiosity to what is actually happening NOW, can help us become disenchanted with habits.
Step 3: Finding a Bigger Better Offer
After becoming disenchanted with the results of the old behavior, we need to provide our brain with a behavior that is more satisfying than the old habit. This new behavior is mindful curiosity – observing with kind, compassionate attention the thoughts, emotions, and sensations that arise when we encounter those original triggers. For example:
Trigger: Time of day/urge to eat chips.
Behavior: Relax into the sensation of wanting to eat chips. Where does that sensation live in my body? What happens as I allow it to be there? Does it move? How would I describe it. Hmmm – what’s happening to it now?
Reward: I feel curiosity, an expansive feeling. The urge passes, as I notice it is nothing but a wave of thought, emotion, and sensation. I ride the wave instead of being swept away by it.
There are many more tools in the book, but those 3 steps form the foundation. I find it so interesting that “mindfulness” keeps popping as the secret for helping us live our truest path. Maybe there is something to this mindfulness stuff…
I am curious to see how awareness and curiosity can help me unwind habits and do more of the “good” that I want to do. What do you think? Does this approach make sense to you?
Here is an 11 minute guided meditation to help explore curiosity:
https://us02web.zoom.us/rec/share/mIbYoPRfCTySsFwLPK5YKhxwWkdV0i9k51eptwyzVQNWNNc8ux5QNc8IKkYFj5eH.OUGosahnM378xnkJ
Passcode: k34AVt?x
I hope you have a bonkers good day today!
Love,
Heather
Space to be Human Lab
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