Ha! I was reviewing my post from 2 weeks ago where I opened with a description of how gorgeous the weather is. Today is absolutely non-gorgeous. It’s blustery, cold, and it may actually freaking snow. On a brighter note, that means I’m inside at my computer writing to you instead of outside on my deck finishing The Initiate Brother.
Now on to my point.
My point today, is that my point in these newsletters is often the same. I am usually having some revelation or another, making adjustments, and then eventually getting myself back into the same situation I thought I had just got myself out of.
How many times do I have to go through this cycle of epiphany and then confusion, ad nauseum?? And the answer is, as many times as it takes.
Because each cycle is different.
With each cycle, I’m in a different head space and heart space; I’m at a different level of consciousness. I’ve learned something, even if it’s the littlest smidge of a thing.
As we move up the spiral of consciousness, each time we revisit the SAME OL’ SH!T, it’s from a slightly shifted vantage point. We can see things we didn’t see a year, month, even a week ago. We have to be ready to see it; we can’t comprehend it a minute before we’re ready.
I’ve been thinking about this vis a vis To Do lists. I have many of them. For my personal life I have a Master To Do list, and a daily To Do list, and my office is papered in yellow post-its for the REALLY IMPORTANT, MUST NOT FORGET THIS THING items. And then when it comes to work, I have lists in Microsoft To Do, lists in my calendar, lists in my notebook, and a lovely assortment of work-related post-its. One could make a full-time job out of organizing To Do lists.
Every once in awhile I will have that epiphany – the To Do list will NEVER be done. The To Dos you accomplish have a way of creating more To Dos, and then those To Do’s get it on and have even MORE To Dos. And eventually you are swimming in generations of To Do’s.
What to do about this To Do situation? Here is what I think the answer is, from my current level of consciousness:
#1 – Figure out how to enjoy life while having an unfinished To Do list. I often think, “When my list is done, THEN I can relax.” But when I truly comprehend that it’s a river that never stops, then I can slow down, tell myself there is no need to rush through this To Do because there is just another one right behind it. Might as well appreciate what you can appreciate about the process, and don’t forget to BREATHE while you’re getting sh!t done!
#2 – Focus on Quality over Quantity. When I rush through my To Dos, I often find that I cut corners. In the speed of the moment, sympathetic drive takes over, my vision narrows, and I lose the peripheral perspective. I make silly mistakes, causing myself more work down the line. Measure twice, cut once!
#3 – Just do one thing. This is something I tell myself over and over again. My default mode is to do 3-4 things simultaneously – listen to a podcast while doing the dishes while cooking (aka burning) breakfast on the stove, while also randomly putting items back in the cupboard as I switch between the soapy dishes and the frying bacon. Lately I’ve started writing MY ONE THING on a sticky note and putting it on my desk. I set my Time Timer for 25 minutes and work on that one thing. No responding to emails or IMs or Huehue’s insistent impatient huffing. Whew – there is so much peace when I can do that!
Again, none of this information is new or earth-shattering. It all, as always, boils down to a few well known axioms: Be here now, stop and smell the roses, let go of what you can’t control, etc. But I repeat it because when you last heard those axioms, you were a different person than who you are right now, so maybe, just maybe, the April 16, 2023 iteration of You needs to hear it again!
Space to be Human Lab – Helping you heal so you can get back to doing what you love
If you like the idea of getting some space from your thoughts, and deep relief and support for your frayed nervous system, I invite you to book a CranioSacral session. April is CraniosSacral Therapy Awareness Month, so I am offering 75 minute sessions for $80 (a discount of $20). Book a 75 minute session and use code “CRANIO.” If you are a new client, you can book here.
Quad City Health & Wellness Professionals Mixer
If you are a health and wellness professional and you would like to connect with other like-minded peeps, please join us at the monthly QCHWP Mixer on April 24th from 5PM-7PM. You can find more info here, and you can register here.
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Author: heather
The “What If??” Game
Honestly, I’m struggling a bit with what to write today. So part of me was like, well, let’s just skip the post for today. And then another part of me was like, Heather, you enjoy writing these, and people have told me they enjoy reading them, so just go ahead and do it! And then another part of me was like, always doing the easy things does not a happy life make. So I talked myself into writing. (Side note: A client recently told me that her therapist said that not everyone has a constant stream of conversation going on their heads. I was blown away. This never-ending chatter and decision (or indecision) by internal committee isn’t a main feature in everyone’s brainpan??)
Anyway, I digress.
On to the subject of today’s email: I’ve been working through the 4 Core Questions of Appreciative Coaching:
- What gives life to you right now?
- Describe a high point or peak experience in your life or work up until now.
- What do you most value about yourself, your relationships, and the nature of your work?
- What 1 or 2 things do you want more of in your life?
Writing out the answers to these questions was very eye-opening. The first question led me down the What If path. I was writing about how I absolutely LOVE my coaching class. I love the philosophy and intent behind the methodologies they teach. At the core of coaching is the belief that the client is the expert on herself, and my job as a coach is to support and partner with her to essentially help her realize how awesome and powerful she is.
But DAMN. Coaching is HARD. It involves asking a lot of questions, drawing out the client’s motivations and values, being FULLY PRESENT and listening with your whole being, holding your tongue when you really just want to TELL them what to do (and you sense the client WANTS to be told what to do). A coach needs to artfully help the client extract the answers for herself, while providing information in little tidbits, and then only after getting the client’s permission to do so (because the Client is in the driver’s seat).
So, coaching is hard. And I know I’m not great at it yet. And I know that the only way to get great at it is to practice. But I hate doing something I’m not great at yet. And then I’m caught in an infinite loop.
So I started playing the What If game:
- What if I am this client’s best option to reach her goals?
- What if it is up to ME (just like it was up to Bastian in The Never Ending Story) to do what needs to be done, no matter how unimportant or unqualified or inexperienced I think I am (or FEEL I am)?
- What if I need to feel inadequate and do it anyway?
- What if I saw my feelings and actually felt them instead of THINKING about them?
This led to the I Choose game:
- I choose strength
- I choose clarity
- I choose action
- I choose energy
- I choose joy
- I choose challenge
- I choose to live
- I choose to find out what I’m made of
- I choose long term success over short term pleasure
So much of what we think and do is a choice – whether we choose to see it that way or not is another story!
I choose to share that with you because our human nature is to focus on our faults instead of our strengths, and I know many of us struggle with confidence and the imposter syndrome and the belief that we are not good enough or smart enough to live as big as we would like to, or to take risks in the service of a dream. But what if we choose to notice those thoughts and to really sense those feelings and then we decide to keep moving towards that goal anyway? What if? What do you Choose?
“Conscious living means becoming aware of all the choices we have and acting on them.” (Michael Arlowski, PHd)
Space to be Human Lab – Helping you heal so you can get back to doing what you love
If you like the idea of getting some space from your thoughts and deep relief and support for your frayed nervous system, I invite you to book a CranioSacral session. April is CraniosSacral Therapy Awareness Month, so I am offering 75 minute sessions for $80 (a discount of $20). Book a 75 minute session and use code “CRANIO.” If you are a new client, you can book here.
Quad City Health & Wellness Professionals Mixer
If you are a health and wellness professional, and you would like to connect with other like-minded, supportive souls, please join us at the monthly QCHWP Mixer, held the 4th Monday of every month at Crawford Brewery from 5-7. You can find more info here, and you can register here.
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QCHWP Is Back, Baby!!
Hello My Fellow Professionals in the Healing Arts,
Crawford Brewery has graciously agreed to let us use their Mezzanine space for a monthly Quad Cities Health & Wellness Professionals Mixer!
- We will meet from 5PM-7PM the 4th Monday of every month through October (4/24, 5/22, 6/26, 7/24, 8/28, 9/25, 10/23).
- You can sign up for whichever mixers you would like to attend by using this link. The fee for each mixer is $10.
- Here is a high-level agenda for the meeting: Each person will do a brief 1-3 minute introduction, a courageous volunteer will do a ~15 minute presentation (on their practice, some juicy health & wellness topic, or some amazing business-building tips, etc.), we’ll open the floor to questions, and then spend the rest of the session mixing. 🙂
- Crawford has Trivia Night on Monday nights starting at 7, so we will disband by then, but you are welcome to pop downstairs to join the fun.
- I will have some light snacks available.
- If you’ve already filled out the Info Share form, you don’t need to do it again; however, if you want to update any info, you should be able to do that. Here is the link.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE THIS MIXER WITH ANYONE ELSE YOU THINK WOULD BE INTERESTED! I will quit yelling at you now. I am just excited about meeting and connecting with others in this sacred space that is SO needed in the world right now!!
If you have any questions, comments, feedback, suggestions for making these events more awesome (or if you’re interested in doing a presentation during one of our sessions), please reach out to me at heather@spacetobehuman.life.
Take care, My Friends!!
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Safety In Me
When we got Huehue last March, one of the first things we did was install a chain link fence. We live on a court, so before the fence was put up, our backyard flowed into the neighbors’ yards in one, big park-like greenspace. It was beautiful and open, and we felt kinda bad sectioning off our yard, but it was the right thing to do for our pup. Once the fence was up, I was astonished by how different I felt in our back yard.
I was in MY space.
I knew precisely where MY space ended and Harold’s space and Brian’s space began.
I knew what was mine and I knew what was theirs, and it gave me such a sense of peace and safety.
And THAT, I’ve realized, is the power of boundaries.
A fence is a very clear, obvious, tactile boundary. You can see and touch it. Interpersonal boundaries are more ethereal, but not an iota less important. As a long-time people-pleaser/fawner (a skill that served me well in my youth), establishing boundaries between ME and what I want and Others and what I perceive they want from me has been a challenge. You know the saying – “you don’t know what you don’t know”? Well, if you’ve never had boundaries, it’s hard to know that you don’t have boundaries!
During one of my sessions with my coach, Ariel, she did a Somatic Experiencing boundary exercise with me. I may have written about this before, but it was such a powerful experience that it bears repeating. In the exercise (done over Zoom), Ariel stood up and backed away from the camera. She offered me the option of telling her to come closer or move farther away. I assumed that I would want her closer, so I asked her to move closer to me, but I noticed a subtle internal shift. So I asked her to back up and to move from side to side a bit. When she reached a certain spot, my body was like, “Yessssss.” I was sitting in my space, and Ariel was standing in her space, and there was safety and power in me with her being outside of my boundary.
Why do I choose to write about boundaries, a year after the fence construction? Well, the Universe is making me do it. 😛 Ha! – saying that, playing the victim, is yet more evidence that I have (and will always have) more boundary work to do! But, in all seriousness, the topic of boundaries has been percolating up in SO many different feeds that I figured I better transmute it into some writing.
I am no expert on boundaries, but I am an expert on collecting information and sharing it with others, so here some resources for you, should you desire to explore this topic further.
Tend HER Wild Podcast – Boundaries & Self-Sabotage This podcast with one of my teachers, Dr. Betsy Rippentrop, talks about boundaries and how we can be really good at setting them in some areas of our life (e.g. work), but horrible in setting them in other areas (e.g. we automatically say YES whenever a friend asks for help, even when we want to say no). Even psychologists with PhDs struggle with boundaries!
10 Tenets of Wellness We covered “Coaching Self-Care and Development” recently in my coaching class. To be WELL and to take care of our Selfs, we must make conscious choices to support our own health vs. subsuming it to the needs of others. We need time alone. We need time to play. We need to be careful who we surround ourselves with. Said another way, we need healthy boundaries.
We also discussed setting boundaries in our health coaching practice, and I share this information because I think these concepts to apply to ANY sort of work where you are in relationship with other(s). Boundaries are “expectations we hold others to. ”They help us guide decision making, support our desired best self, allow us to be more than our jobs, prevent burnout, and support healthy client relationships by setting clear expectations about the helper’s role. Here are a few sample boundaries to get your mind juices flowing:
- I have a right to be treated with respect.
- Leisure time is critical to my self-care; I do not work in the evenings.
- I do not participate in gossip.
And then comes the really hard part – ENFORCING boundaries. “What we allow we encourage,” so when someone crosses a boundary, we need to enforce it, or the behavior will continue and likely become even harder to address. Here are a couple of ways to verbalize boundaries:
- “That doesn’t work for me.”
- “When you regularly show up for our lunch dates 15 minutes late, I feel worried about the impact on the rest of my day. I need respect for my time. Are you willing to meet on time going forward?”
How do those feel? For me – UGH! It feels SO uncomfortable and so full of potential conflict to say those things, but enforcing boundaries builds up that fence and with the fence comes safety and peace. So what do I want? Do I want to avoid discomfort, or do I want to have my own back and stay in my own power?
Damn it, Life! Why is the hard stuff always so good for you??
Space to be Human Lab – Helping you heal so you can get back to doing what you love
One of my clients crystallized for me why I love CranioSacral Therapy. She noted that at one point in the session, she experienced freedom from her thoughts. The minute she said it, I was like YES!!! That is why I love it!! I love having a few moments of relief from this damn monkey mind – a few moments of floating in some other level of consciousness, while my body, mind, and spirit are held by a compassionate witness.
If you like the idea of getting some space from your thoughts and deep relief and support for your frayed nervous system, I invite you to book a CranioSacral Therapy session. April is CraniosSacral Therapy Awareness Month, so I am offering 75 minute sessions for $80 (a discount of $20). Book a 75 minute session and use code “CRANIO.” If you are a new client, you can book here.
The Itsy Bitsy (A catalytic question)
When you are faced with a challenging situation, what does taking decisive action look like?
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The Power of a Potent Pause
Perhaps you’ve noticed that I’ve been MIA for the past 6 weeks or so… Or perhaps you didn’t notice, which is OK too. 😛
As I’ve mentioned in previous letters, I’m constantly doing this waltz of being way too busy and taking on way too much, and then slamming on the brakes to get my breath. February was one of those months where everything caught up with me, and something had to give (beside my mental and physical health), so it I let go of the newsletters for a few weeks.
And you want to hear something SUPER ironic? One of the things that made me “oh so busy!!” was a trip to the Dominican Republic wherein I laid on a lounge chair for 5 days straight and did the following: Read 3 books, drank several fruity cocktails, ate lots of seafood, walked along the beach, went to bed at 8PM and slept until 6AM almost every day, and generally did not much of anything at all.
And boy was that weird.
We arrived in the DR on Monday night, and by Wednesday I was getting the itch. Should I go on an excursion? Should I go to the gym? Shouldn’t I be doing SOMETHING?? Shouldn’t I be milking this experience for all it’s worth??
And then I gave myself permission to just sit on my butt, bask in the sun and warm weather, and just read, drink, eat, and swim to my heart’s content. No judgment. Just relax. Oh. And chat with the septuagenarian Canadians who were encamped in the neighboring cabanas.
Not being “productive” for 5 days was challenging mentally (or maybe I mean culturally??), but oh so necessary. Us human beings, much like machines, need periodic reboots to keep functioning well and to clear out all the random bits and bytes that are clogging up our junk.
I recently listened to Dr. Andrew Huberman’s AMA (Ask Me Anything) podcast episode, and he answered a question about how to increase motivation. The number 1 thing we can do is to get quality sleep (if you need any tips on how to get QUALITY sleep, please reach out to me – we just covered this in my health coaching class). The second thing he mentioned was Non Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR). To the yogis in the audience, this is essentially yoga nidra! NSDR or yoga nidra is a type of mediation where your attention is systematically led through your body, leading to a deep state of relaxation.
Dr. Huberman referenced two Danish studies that show that doing yoga nidra for as little as 10 minutes a day can dramatically increase your dopamine reservoirs (dopamine is closely tied to motivation). There is also data showing NSDR can help recover lost sleep, as well as increase cognitive ability and performance in cognitive tasks!
And now, I’m circling back around to my point. By RESTING, we can actually be MORE PRODUCTIVE with LESS EFFORT. Whoa.
If you’re curious about NSDR, here is a 10-minute practice from Dr. Huberman. And here is a 10-minute recording of a yoga nidra from yours truly.
Happy Resting!
Space to be Human Lab
Feel Better, Reduce Pain, Pay Less
If you are experiencing headaches, neck or back pain, stress and tension-related disorders, TMJ syndrome, or general or specific pain, bodywork can help! I’ve added a tool to my tool box – CranioSacral Therapy (CST), which is a gentle full-body treatment that can improve the health of the nervous system. I am offering CST sessions at a $15 discount for the next few months. Please use code “CRANIO” when you book a session to receive the discount.
Book online here.
The Itsy Bitsy (A catalytic question)
Who are the key supportive people in your life, and what do they provide for you?
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The Magick of the Mind
“If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
What role do you think thoughts play in how your day, week, year, life turn out? Are thoughts just nebulous, harmless wisps that float across your brain pan? Do they have power in and of themselves?
How about intention? Does the intention with which you do something affect the outcome of that action? Let’s say it’s a snowy morning and you notice your elderly neighbor’s walk isn’t shoveled. If you shovel his walk with the intention of wanting to help out a neighbor vs. doing it with the intention of meeting a social obligation that you resent, does it still have the same effect? Can your neighbor, on a subconscious level, sense the difference in intention and perhaps feel gratitude in one case and shame in another, even though no words were spoken?
Likewise, do our thoughts, beliefs, and intentions affect the responses we get from others? If we believe a person we are interacting with is oafish or narrow-minded, does the person respond to the energy of that belief and respond with oafishness or narrow-mindedness? What comes first, the chicken or the egg?
“Scientific experiments have repeatedly shown that thoughts can directly influence the rate of growth in plants, fungi, and bacteria. William Tiller, a physicist at Stanford University, has shown that thoughts can affect electronic instruments.” The Emotion Code.
The importance of intention has been top of mind lately. In my coaching class, we are taught that we need to have “unconditional positive regard” for our client – complete acceptance and support of the client, no matter what she says or does. This is a fundamental pre-requisite of providing “safe space” for people, so that they feel secure in opening up to possibilities and potential.
Intention is also a fundamental part of a bodywork session. Sometimes I will invite my clients to set an intention for the session (if you don’t know where you’re going, how will you get there?!), and I too take a moment to set an intention for the session. Usually my intention is to LISTEN in all the ways I can and to trust my hands. Intention also comes into play with the hands-on work. It may not be possible to actually massage the psoas, which lies deep, deep, deep in the body, alongside the spine, but if, with my mind, I can visualize the layers of the abdomen, see my hands sinking slowly down through the skin, the layers of muscle, the greater omentum, the small intestine, and then see the psoas resting along the back, then perhaps I can influence the psoas with my intention. CranioSacral work is very much about intention. It’s very gentle work, but it can be very impactful through the use of intention, meaning it can cause less trauma to the body in the course of a treatment. As Jill Miller (creator of the Yoga Tune Up® balls) says, “It doesn’t have to hurt to work!”
I am working on being very intentional with my intention. My intention is to bring more fun and enjoyment into daily life instead of having the intention of getting done with a task as quickly as possible so that I can rush on to the next item on my to-do list. Having an intention of curiosity and exploration sounds like a lot more fun than having an intention of speed and productivity. I’m a human being, after all, not a computer!
What intention do you bring to your work, to your life, to your mindset? What beliefs do you have about others that might be affecting your interactions with them? What could shift in your life if you brought an intention of unconditional positive regard into your interactions with others?
Space to be Human Lab
Feel Better and Pay Less
If you are experiencing headaches, neck or back pain, stress and tension-related disorders, TMJ syndrome, or general body pain, CranioSacral Therapy (a gentle full-body treatment that can improve the health of the nervous system) could help you! I am offering unlimited sessions at a $15 discount for the next few months. Please use code “CRANIO” when you book a 90 minute session or a New Client session to receive the discount.
QCHWP Mixer
Are you a health and wellness practitioner in the Quad Cities? Join us on February 6th to meet and connect with other like-minded professionals and discover how a rising tide raises all boats. More details can be found here.
The Itsy Bitsy (A catalytic question)
What do you value most about yourself, your relationships, and the nature of your work?
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The Red Thread
| The Red ThreadDo you believe that your future is pre-determined? Do you believe in dharma – the thought that you were put here for a reason and you have a specific purpose to fill? Do you believe in free-will? Do you believe in both fate and free-will at the same time? I believe that we have a purpose and path laid out before us, and I believe that we have the freewill to make choices along that path. And I believe that no matter what choice we make, we are on that path. Why do I think that? Because it I find it reassuring that no matter what I do, I am on the right path. And because I’m human, I don’t want to be told what to do. I don’t want to have my freedom to choose taken away from my. I want to be free. So I choose to believe in the conundrum of having a designated purpose and in the freedom to choose my path. I will turn 46 next month. For all intents and purposes, I am 50 years old. And that is super duper bonkers to me. I asked Tim last night how old he feels, and he said 35. I said I feel about 14. I still feel in many ways like a noob in this world – still figuring things out, still figuring out who I am, what I want, still finding my confidence and roots. But little by little, every step I take clarifies me to myself. This has become more evident over the past 10 years, and it has escalated over the past 6 months or so. A through-line is crystallizing. #1 – I took a Cranial Sacral class from Wahneta Dimmer in Cedar Rapids, IA. The class involved laying my hands on different parts of my client’s bodies and just NOTICING what I noticed. As I slowed down and focused on my hands and listened to the body, I started to observe so much LIFE under my hands. I felt pulses, rhythms, flows, heat, vibrations, a sense of connection to something wise and fun. These were all sensations I totally missed when diving deep and with force into the body. By changing my intention to one of listening instead of doing, the body’s life energies felt safe enough to come out and say “Hi! Thanks for noticing us! How can I help you?” #2 – I started the Dr. Sears Wellness Institute’s Master Health Coach Certification class. I wasn’t sure what to expect. The class was one of the least expensive I found ($2,300 instead of $8,000 – $21,000), but I was familiar with Dr. Sears’ classes, so I figured it would be worth exploring. It has blown me away by how thorough and organized it is. We are learning 3 types of coaching techniques – Motivational Interviewing, Appreciative Coaching, and Non-Violent Communication. Guess what all 3 styles have in common? This is their premise: The client is a mystery to be appreciated, not a problem to be solved. People are the undisputed experts on themselves. Coaching is first and foremost about LISTENING and providing space to the client so they can process. People believe what they hear themselves say. People don’t want to be told what to do. Again, the through-line of being a compassionate, open witness who provides clients with space to trust their own inner wisdom is showing up. #3 – I am beginning Year 2 of the Somatic Experiencing trauma-resolution training. Somatic Experiencing is all about providing a safe space and time to enable clients to notice their inner world and see and process what the body wants to show them. It’s a form of somatic (body-oriented) deep, compassionate, curious listening. #4 – I just finished the Upledger CranioSacral Therapy (CST) Level 1 class last week. This is a type of gentle touch therapy that uses the power of intention and a listening presence to help unwind restrictions in the body, thereby reducing pain and enhancing well-being. CST respects the wisdom of the body (referred to as our “Inner Physician). AGAIN, the theme of deep listening, with a belief in the body’s wisdom, is apparent. My purpose, my path, my work here in this life is to be, in my own small way, a facilitator of reconnection to wholeness. I am here to offer people the space and opportunity to slow down and reconnect to their inner wisdom and innate healing ability – to appreciate the magic and mystery of being a human being. I am here to help people (including myself) find space to be human. What is your through-line? What theme keeps popping up in disparate areas of your life? What idea keeps coming for you, no matter where you go, what you do? Space to be Human Lab If you are experiencing headaches, migraines, chronic neck and back pain, stress and tension-related disorders, TMJ syndrome, or general body pain, and you appreciate (or are curious about!) a gentle touch, CranioSacral Therapy could help. I need to perform 75 CST sessions before I take CranioSacral Level 2 in August, so I am offering sessions at a $15 discount for the next few months. Please use code “CRANIO” when you book a 90 minute session or a New Client session to receive the discount. The Itsy Bitsy Sustainable behavior change starts with making small changes consistently. A change can be engendered by something so small and isty bity as a question. In the spirit of Appreciative Coaching, I’m going to start offering a question to you weekly that might spark something – some awareness, some motivation, some curiosity. Here’s this week’s question: Who are you when you are at your best? Newsletter signup If you would like to sign up to get these posts sent to you directly, please click here. |
The Rabbit Manifesto
So. It’s 1-1. That time of year where we usually set goals and figure out what we want the next year to bring. What I’ve learned from my health coaching class and from personal experience is that goals are meant to be unreached. Well, not really. But goals often have a way of setting us up for failure. Or maybe more accurately put, we have a tendency to set goals in such a way that we set OURSELVES up for failure. We are too restrictive, we take on too much change too quickly, we set goals based on “shoulds.”
How can we improve our chances of effecting the changes that we want in our lives?
How about instead of setting a BHAG (big hairy audacious goal), we set a topic?
Yes
A Topic
A topic that we would like to focus on for the upcoming year.
How does that feel? As you look forward into 2023, think about a goal you might set. Maybe your goal is to save $2000, or to lose 20 pounds, or to travel to a place you’ve never been once/month. Envision yourself taking the steps required to get there. How do your insides respond to the prospect of executing on those steps?
Now, think about a topic for 2023. Maybe your topic is Learning, or maybe it’s Self-Discovery, or maybe it’s Connection. Think about what you would do, how you would live, what choices you would make in service to that topic. How does that feel in your body?
I’m not saying that having goals is wrong, or that having a topic or a theme is better than having goals. I’m just saying it’s different. And sometimes trying something different can make all the difference! Our brains and bodies thrive on novelty. We are tremendously adaptable, so we have to keep switching things up in order to keep our minds and bodies awake and alive. If the idea of determining a 2023 topic gave you a little burst of curiosity/interest/expansion, you could check out One Word That Will Change Your Life. I also have a worksheet you can use to identify your values, and that would be a good starting place. Shoot me an email if you want a copy of it.
My topic for 2023 is:
Listen
I want to become a better listener in 2023. I want to listen to my Self better. I want to listen to my body. I want to listen with my whole being (my eyes, my ears, my intuition, my nervous system, my hands) to my loved ones and clients. I want to listen when someone talks to me and decipher the feeling and need that’s being expressed underneath what they are saying. I want to listen with curiosity and without judgement, comparison, or jealousy. I want to listen to the silence. I want to listen to the rhythms. I want to listen more and speak less. I want to listen when the Universe speaks. I want to listen and see what I can learn, letting go of the compulsive need to prove my worth and value. I want to listen and see what healing naturally comes as a byproduct of finally being truly heard. I want to chill the f@Ck out and just listen.
I did our annual Animal Spirit “Year Ahead Spread” which involves drawing a card for each month of the year and then a final card with the overall “theme” for the year. For January, I drew The Dragon, which is pretty awesome. For my overall theme, I drew The Rabbit. Which seemed slightly less cool. But I read the text, and I have to say, the Universe sent me the message I needed to hear.
What’s on tap for you in 2023? If you care to share your topic for 2023, I would love to hear it. The first person to send me their topic (in 1 word) will get a little custom-stamped metal token as a daily reminder. 😊
And with that, let me wish you HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thank you for joining me on this journey of figuring out what it means to be human and how we can best take advantage of that gift. I’ll leave you with this quote from “Craniosacral Therapy” by Upledger & Vredevoogd:
“Remember that the potential of humankind is limited only by its own concept of that limitation.”
Space to be Human Lab
- If you are experiencing pain in your mind-body and would like help finding more space, ease, and room for more positive possibilities, you can book a bodywork session here.
- If you are a health & wellness professional in the Quad Cities, and you would like to meet other local health professionals, let me know. I’m organizing a mixer for those of us interested in making new connections for the benefits of our clients and ourselves. It will likely be in late January; more details will be forthcoming.
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The Forgetting & The Remembering
Going through this health coaching program is reminding me of all the things I’ve known and then promptly forgotten about how to take care of this body! As of late, I’ve been bonked over the head with the reminder to do 150-200 minutes of moderate intensity aerobic activity each week. It was included in the class materials, then Dr. Huberman mentioned it as part of his Foundation Fitness Protocol, then Robb Wolf mentioned it on his recent podcast, and then I listened to a podcast with Dr. Huberman and Dr. Layne Norton where they mentioned it as well. OK OK – I get it!!
So Saturday I went out for a little jog/walk with the intent to stay within my Zone 2 heart rate. I was targeting about 122 (there are several different ways to calculate your Zone 2 HR – here are two sources: Phil Maffetone and MindBodyGreen). When I walked, my HR was too low, and when I ran for longer than a few minutes, it was too high. So I used my watch to moderate my pace. I would speed up when my HR got too low and then slow down when my HR got too high.
As I used my watch to modify my behavior, I realized how difficult it is to always stay on target – whether that is a target heart rate, or if it’s a target level of busy-ness/self-care. It’s much easier, and probably more human, to go too hard – be too busy – and then realize, “Ugh, this isn’t working for me” and then slow waaaaay down. And then suddenly you realize you’re watching way too much TV or coddling yourself just a LITTLE too much, and then you start amping up your projects, commitments, and workload. Back and forth ad nauseum. It would be so helpful to have a Heart Rate monitor for your life energy!
The concept of discovering and rediscovering the middle path is one I’m undergoing always. Between work (at the bank and at Space to be Human), training (Health Coaching, Somatic Experiencing, and Upledger Cranial Sacral), and life (eating, cleaning, exercising, connecting with people I care about, sleeping, etc.), I realized that I have, indeed, swung too far off center yet again – veering into the overwhelm zone.
So I went back to the drawing board. I wrote a list of things I need to do each week, and alongside it, a list of my core values: Family/Connection, Learning, Health. Then I went through my calendar and cleaned it up to get rid of things I cannot do (even though I might really WANT to do them), and then I took my long list of To Dos and either found a spot to schedule them in, or I just crossed them off my list.
I have more work to do on this, but at least right now I am feeling as if I have a doable couple of weeks ahead of me. It helps that we are going to Florida over Christmas break, and my health coaching class is on hiatus. 😊 I’m also going to take the advice of my Business Coach and GUARD MY TIME in January. Wintertime is when Nature rests and lies fallow. I need to follow her good example and figure out where I can let go!
“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” Rumi
Space to be Human Lab
If you are in pain and want to get back to doing what you love, you can book a bodywork session here.
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Brain Health vs. Mental Health
“You are what you eat.” It make sense that our bodies are a by-product of the food we eat. Food goes in the mouth, and our body turns it into skin, hair, muscles, curves, teeth, fingernails.
But did you ever think about your BRAIN being made up the food you eat? What would a brain made up of Cheetos and Mt. Dew look like compared to a brain grown from blueberries and walnuts?
Come to find out, the food that we eat has a HUGE impact on our brain health. And our brain health has a huge impact on our mental health.
I found this out firsthand about 11 years ago when I discovered the “Primal Diet.” At the time, I was in a scary place. That sounds dramatic, but when I think of that time, that is the first emotion that jumps to mind. At the time, my anxiety was super intense. I didn’t know what was causing it. At first I thought it was the fluorescent lights above my cubicle. I googled it and noted that they affected a lot of people negatively, so I asked the maintenance guys to remove some of the bulbs to lessen the intensity. Yet the anxiety persisted.
When I went on lunch-time walks with my friend, I would get a whisper of not feeling “right.” I would feel as if I was slightly lilting. I felt a bit of panic. I focused intently on finishing the walk without alarming my walking partner. “I can make it. It’s just 5 more minutes; then I can sit down in my cube.”
When I was driving and hit a red light, I would have to blast the AC or roll down my window so that I could get a cold breeze on my face. I kept mint gum with me always – the freshness of it helped me keep my grip on consciousness when I started to feel the panic creep in. I was deathly afraid of passing out while waiting for the light to turn green.
The same sensations overtook me while waiting in line at the grocery store. The lights, the people, the not being able to MOVE if I needed to. All of these things triggered the anxiety – making me short of breath and overwhelmed with the fear of passing out. My grip on consciousness seemed way too tenuous.
I tried many things to address the anxiety. My doctor wanted to prescribe meds, but I wanted to try other avenues first. I got herbs for allergies and acupuncture treatments at Davenport Acupuncture, and that helped quite a bit. I saw a chiro at Hampton Health & Wellness, and that helped a lot too.
And the thing that helped me the most – the thing that changed my life and provided a huge A-HA! moment, was when I followed the primal 21-Day Total Body Transformation protocol (I really wish the book had a different name because it sounds SO pitchy and “As Seen On TV!”-ish.) But, for me, it really was a transformation. Within a week of changing my diet (eating only whole foods with lots of meat and veggies, removing gluten, dairy, and excessive sugar, changing up my oils to use olive oil and coconut oil, removing beer & wine, etc.), my anxiety was almost completely gone.
This was the huge A-HA! The food and drinks I was putting into my body was negatively impacting my brain health, and therefore my mental health.
The most common mental health disorders in the US (anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, ADD and ADHD, addiction, dementia and Alzheimer’s) are ALL affected by nutrition.
Research into Nutritional Psychiatry provides so much hope for those of us who suffer from poor brain health, so I wanted to share some highlights from a webinar I watched last week for my Master Health Coach Certification course.
What can be clues that our brain health needs attention?
- Depression, anxiety, brain fog, memory loss, chronic fatigue, multiple sclerosis, neurodegeneration (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s), allergies, autoimmune disorders, persistent infections, mood issues, etc.
What can help us improve our brain health?
- Adequate sleep
- Meaning and purpose in life
- Social connections
- Proper hydration
- Physical and mental exercise
- Strong immune system
- Quality food
- Probiotics and prebiotics
- Learning new things
- Good gut health (the brain and gut are linked together via the vagus nerve, so gut health has a huge impact on brain health)
I know that can be an overwhelming list to tackle, so here are a few simple action items from the webinar:
- Eat food that is GROWN instead of manufactured.
- Hydration – The webinar stated that people should drink half their body weight in ounces/day. Even MILD dehydration of 2% affects brain function! I fill up a glass jar with 70 ounces of water each day, so I have a visual reminder of how much I need to drink.
- Spice it up! Spices are super good for the brain, and there are 3 that are true superstars – turmeric, cinnamon, and oregano. These spices help improve blood flow to the brain and have positive effects on blood sugar, memory and attention.
Since I watched the webinar, I’ve been very conscious about eating food good for my brain. This concoction tasted way better than it looks! It’s made up of coconut yogurt, sunflower seed butter, blueberries, cinnamon, ground flax seed, walnuts, and some Four Sigmatic protein powder.
As always, when considering making dietary changes, check with a qualified healthcare practitioner who is familiar with your individual medical needs and history.
If you want to dive deeper into this topic, here is a book on the subject: Eat to Beat Depression & Anxiety by Dr. Drew Ramsey. I haven’t had a chance to read this book yet, but I listened to a podcast with Dr. Ramsey, and the book sounded great. You can also get a ton of free info just by googling “nutritional psychiatry.”
I hope you’re having a stupendous Sunday!
Space to be Human Lab
- If you are experiencing pain or if you are interested in how you can just FEEL BETTER in your body, you can book a bodywork session here.
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