“If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
What role do you think thoughts play in how your day, week, year, life turn out? Are thoughts just nebulous, harmless wisps that float across your brain pan? Do they have power in and of themselves?
How about intention? Does the intention with which you do something affect the outcome of that action? Let’s say it’s a snowy morning and you notice your elderly neighbor’s walk isn’t shoveled. If you shovel his walk with the intention of wanting to help out a neighbor vs. doing it with the intention of meeting a social obligation that you resent, does it still have the same effect? Can your neighbor, on a subconscious level, sense the difference in intention and perhaps feel gratitude in one case and shame in another, even though no words were spoken?
Likewise, do our thoughts, beliefs, and intentions affect the responses we get from others? If we believe a person we are interacting with is oafish or narrow-minded, does the person respond to the energy of that belief and respond with oafishness or narrow-mindedness? What comes first, the chicken or the egg?
“Scientific experiments have repeatedly shown that thoughts can directly influence the rate of growth in plants, fungi, and bacteria. William Tiller, a physicist at Stanford University, has shown that thoughts can affect electronic instruments.” The Emotion Code.
The importance of intention has been top of mind lately. In my coaching class, we are taught that we need to have “unconditional positive regard” for our client – complete acceptance and support of the client, no matter what she says or does. This is a fundamental pre-requisite of providing “safe space” for people, so that they feel secure in opening up to possibilities and potential.
Intention is also a fundamental part of a bodywork session. Sometimes I will invite my clients to set an intention for the session (if you don’t know where you’re going, how will you get there?!), and I too take a moment to set an intention for the session. Usually my intention is to LISTEN in all the ways I can and to trust my hands. Intention also comes into play with the hands-on work. It may not be possible to actually massage the psoas, which lies deep, deep, deep in the body, alongside the spine, but if, with my mind, I can visualize the layers of the abdomen, see my hands sinking slowly down through the skin, the layers of muscle, the greater omentum, the small intestine, and then see the psoas resting along the back, then perhaps I can influence the psoas with my intention. CranioSacral work is very much about intention. It’s very gentle work, but it can be very impactful through the use of intention, meaning it can cause less trauma to the body in the course of a treatment. As Jill Miller (creator of the Yoga Tune Up® balls) says, “It doesn’t have to hurt to work!”
I am working on being very intentional with my intention. My intention is to bring more fun and enjoyment into daily life instead of having the intention of getting done with a task as quickly as possible so that I can rush on to the next item on my to-do list. Having an intention of curiosity and exploration sounds like a lot more fun than having an intention of speed and productivity. I’m a human being, after all, not a computer!
What intention do you bring to your work, to your life, to your mindset? What beliefs do you have about others that might be affecting your interactions with them? What could shift in your life if you brought an intention of unconditional positive regard into your interactions with others?
Space to be Human Lab
Feel Better and Pay Less
If you are experiencing headaches, neck or back pain, stress and tension-related disorders, TMJ syndrome, or general body pain, CranioSacral Therapy (a gentle full-body treatment that can improve the health of the nervous system) could help you! I am offering unlimited sessions at a $15 discount for the next few months. Please use code “CRANIO” when you book a 90 minute session or a New Client session to receive the discount.
QCHWP Mixer
Are you a health and wellness practitioner in the Quad Cities? Join us on February 6th to meet and connect with other like-minded professionals and discover how a rising tide raises all boats. More details can be found here.
The Itsy Bitsy (A catalytic question)
What do you value most about yourself, your relationships, and the nature of your work?
Newsletter signup
If you would like to get these posts sent to you directly, please click here.
Category: Trauma
The Red Thread
| The Red ThreadDo you believe that your future is pre-determined? Do you believe in dharma – the thought that you were put here for a reason and you have a specific purpose to fill? Do you believe in free-will? Do you believe in both fate and free-will at the same time? I believe that we have a purpose and path laid out before us, and I believe that we have the freewill to make choices along that path. And I believe that no matter what choice we make, we are on that path. Why do I think that? Because it I find it reassuring that no matter what I do, I am on the right path. And because I’m human, I don’t want to be told what to do. I don’t want to have my freedom to choose taken away from my. I want to be free. So I choose to believe in the conundrum of having a designated purpose and in the freedom to choose my path. I will turn 46 next month. For all intents and purposes, I am 50 years old. And that is super duper bonkers to me. I asked Tim last night how old he feels, and he said 35. I said I feel about 14. I still feel in many ways like a noob in this world – still figuring things out, still figuring out who I am, what I want, still finding my confidence and roots. But little by little, every step I take clarifies me to myself. This has become more evident over the past 10 years, and it has escalated over the past 6 months or so. A through-line is crystallizing. #1 – I took a Cranial Sacral class from Wahneta Dimmer in Cedar Rapids, IA. The class involved laying my hands on different parts of my client’s bodies and just NOTICING what I noticed. As I slowed down and focused on my hands and listened to the body, I started to observe so much LIFE under my hands. I felt pulses, rhythms, flows, heat, vibrations, a sense of connection to something wise and fun. These were all sensations I totally missed when diving deep and with force into the body. By changing my intention to one of listening instead of doing, the body’s life energies felt safe enough to come out and say “Hi! Thanks for noticing us! How can I help you?” #2 – I started the Dr. Sears Wellness Institute’s Master Health Coach Certification class. I wasn’t sure what to expect. The class was one of the least expensive I found ($2,300 instead of $8,000 – $21,000), but I was familiar with Dr. Sears’ classes, so I figured it would be worth exploring. It has blown me away by how thorough and organized it is. We are learning 3 types of coaching techniques – Motivational Interviewing, Appreciative Coaching, and Non-Violent Communication. Guess what all 3 styles have in common? This is their premise: The client is a mystery to be appreciated, not a problem to be solved. People are the undisputed experts on themselves. Coaching is first and foremost about LISTENING and providing space to the client so they can process. People believe what they hear themselves say. People don’t want to be told what to do. Again, the through-line of being a compassionate, open witness who provides clients with space to trust their own inner wisdom is showing up. #3 – I am beginning Year 2 of the Somatic Experiencing trauma-resolution training. Somatic Experiencing is all about providing a safe space and time to enable clients to notice their inner world and see and process what the body wants to show them. It’s a form of somatic (body-oriented) deep, compassionate, curious listening. #4 – I just finished the Upledger CranioSacral Therapy (CST) Level 1 class last week. This is a type of gentle touch therapy that uses the power of intention and a listening presence to help unwind restrictions in the body, thereby reducing pain and enhancing well-being. CST respects the wisdom of the body (referred to as our “Inner Physician). AGAIN, the theme of deep listening, with a belief in the body’s wisdom, is apparent. My purpose, my path, my work here in this life is to be, in my own small way, a facilitator of reconnection to wholeness. I am here to offer people the space and opportunity to slow down and reconnect to their inner wisdom and innate healing ability – to appreciate the magic and mystery of being a human being. I am here to help people (including myself) find space to be human. What is your through-line? What theme keeps popping up in disparate areas of your life? What idea keeps coming for you, no matter where you go, what you do? Space to be Human Lab If you are experiencing headaches, migraines, chronic neck and back pain, stress and tension-related disorders, TMJ syndrome, or general body pain, and you appreciate (or are curious about!) a gentle touch, CranioSacral Therapy could help. I need to perform 75 CST sessions before I take CranioSacral Level 2 in August, so I am offering sessions at a $15 discount for the next few months. Please use code “CRANIO” when you book a 90 minute session or a New Client session to receive the discount. The Itsy Bitsy Sustainable behavior change starts with making small changes consistently. A change can be engendered by something so small and isty bity as a question. In the spirit of Appreciative Coaching, I’m going to start offering a question to you weekly that might spark something – some awareness, some motivation, some curiosity. Here’s this week’s question: Who are you when you are at your best? Newsletter signup If you would like to sign up to get these posts sent to you directly, please click here. |
Choose Your Own Adventure
How much control do we have over our lives, really? Is our life dictated by our circumstances – our DNA, our families, where we were born, how much money our parents have? Or is our life dictated by our thoughts, feelings, and actions – which are all based on choices we can consciously make?
I love The Life Coach School podcast by Brooke Castillo. The podcast is full of mind-bending resets that help me see the world a little differently, at least for a little bit. In this podcast on handling adversity, Brooke talks about how we NEED adversity to get stronger. If we stay in our comfort zone, never pushing ourselves, never challenging ourselves, we never grow or get stronger. We actually get weaker, and our world gets smaller.
We have this innate capacity to blow our own mind with what we can create, but our stories and our desire for comfort and the safety of the known can keep us confined.
UNLESS
Unless we consciously CHOOSE DISCOMFORT. If we start to take the harder path, the path with more challenge, the path that forces us to try something different and to learn from it – then we can break out of the comfort bubble (which starts to become stifling and uncomfortable eventually anyway!) and see for ourselves what we are capable of.
Here is my crude drawing, trying to illustrate how, by being the Boss of our choices and consciously choosing to pursue challenge, we can touch into that realm of possibility and start to realize just how powerful we really are. 
We don’t have to make massive shifts – just make a slightly different choice. For example, instead of veering towards ease (watching another episode of Hart of Dixie), veer just a bit towards struggle (which might mean just sitting for 2 minutes noticing how hard it is to resist the urge to watch another episode of Hart of Dixie).
While I was out walking and listening to this podcast this morning, the idea of this drawing struck me, and it seemed brilliant. In execution, well, it may not be AMAZE-BALLS, but it’s out of my comfort zone, so I’m at least heading in the right direction. POSSIBILITY, HERE I COME!! 😛
There will be no blog post next week, as I will be in Module 3 of my Somatic Experiencing class Thursday – Sunday. I hope you all have a fabulous couple of weeks! If you get bored and need something to read, you can find prior newsletters here. 😊
Space to be Human Lab
- If you are experiencing pain in your body and want some help unwinding it, you can book a bodywork session here.
- I am doing market research! If you could break out of your comfort bubble and lean into challenge, assured that by doing so you would become MORE YOU – more of who you know you can be, more of who you WANT to be, what actions would you take? What moves would you make? And what support would you need to have the courage to take that harder and more rewarding path? If you care to share your thoughts, please respond to this email. <3
Newsletter signup
If you would like to sign up to get these posts sent to you directly, please click here.
Post-Traumatic Growth
| Do you ever feel as if you’re not good enough? Do you feel as if you don’t have enough? Do you often compare yourselves to others and judge yourself (or them) harshly as a result? Do you berate yourself in your own head because you have these thoughts, but you feel as if you shouldn’t think or feel these things? Do you want to know why these thoughts incessantly loop through your head? BECAUSE YOU ARE HUMAN In the 7th century AD, yogi’s identified 3 main thoughts (and related feelings) that are endemic to all humans:I am not enough, which leads to feelings of shame and unworthiness. This is felt in the heart center and leads us to disconnect from Self and others.I am separate from others. This is felt in the head space, and it leads us to compare ourselves to others, leading to feelings of anger and bitterness.I don’t have enough. This is felt in the pelvis and leads us to shut down or work too much, leading to feelings of anxiety.When I learned this information (from Dr. Betsy Rippentrop’s ReMIND course), I felt such a sense of relief. Oh my God. There is nothing WRONG with me. I’m just human. I’m having human thoughts. I’m having a human experience. Just like everyone else. I can stop feeling bad about feeling bad. Ahhhhh. There is another super impactful piece of knowledge that was a catalyst for developing self-compassion – learning about the ACE study. The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study is “one of the largest investigations ever conducted to assess associations between childhood maltreatment and later-life health and well-being.” (The Enlightened Marriage by Jed Diamond, PhD). The study found a strong link between childhood trauma and disease: The CDC’s Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) uncovered a stunning link between childhood trauma and the chronic diseases people develop as adults, as well as social and emotional problems. This includes heart disease, lung cancer, diabetes and many autoimmune diseases, as well as depression, violence, being a victim of violence, and suicide. (https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/) What is really interesting is the “traumas” that they researched are things that many of us have gone through – things that are just a part of life in this point and time in the world: Getting slapped/spanked, parents getting divorced/separated, having an alcoholic parent, having a member of the family be depressed, etc.. You can see the full list of ACEs here: https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/. For me, learning this information and getting my ACEs score helped me develop more kindness towards myself. I had never really considered myself as having undergone “Capital T Trauma” like severe abuse or a car accident or being orphaned, but when I learned this information I realized, “Oh Yeah. Little Heather did have to deal with some heavy stuff that she wasn’t ready for. She was just doing the best she could.” I think it’s important for people to realize how these seemingly minor/commonplace things that we just write off as “part of being a kid” can have a big impact on our bodies, our minds, and our overall wellbeing. Once we have awareness of that, we can start to recognize the effects of trauma in our lives, give ourselves some grace, and then start figuring out what we need to do to heal the trauma. Many experts, (Dr. Peter Levine and Scott Barry Kaufman PhD to name two) note that processing trauma can be a huge catalyst for growth and self-actualization – a concept called “Post-Traumatic Growth.” In Kaufman’s new workbook, “Choose Growth – A Workbook for Transcending Trauma, Fear, and Self-Doubt” he shares this quote from C.S. Lewis: “Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.” I love the promise of that quote! If any of this resonates with you, and you want to start to process trauma, I invite you to explore one or several avenues out there to help heal trauma – mental health therapy, trauma-informed bodywork, journaling, talking to a trust friend who will just LISTEN and give you space. I have tried ALL of these methods; I’ve worked with a few different therapists, I’m working with a Somatic Experiencing Transformational Coach (and I’m in training to become a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner), I’m working through the Choose Growth workbook, I’m practicing listening to my body. What I’ve found is that unwinding the effects of trauma takes time and patience, along with a big dose of self-acceptance, non-judgement, and curiosity. But subtly and surely, you will start to notice less constriction and more space, less fear and more curiosity, less rushing and more lingering. And more belief that you are on your way to an “extraordinary destiny”! As I mentioned last week, I went to cranial sacral therapy (CST) training this week. If you’re a client of mine, you’ve likely experienced my cranial work, but this CST work is different. It involves a MUCH lighter touch. It’s a method of just sitting with the body, allowing two nervous systems to communicate, providing a listening presence and enabling the body to unwind what and when it wants. It can be a gentle way to start to process some of the trauma recorded in the body. If you are interested in doing a CST session, you can use the code “CRANIAL” for $15 off a session in October. Just book a Bodywork Session here. If you have any questions or comments on any of this, don’t hesitate to reach out. I also offer free 15-minute consults if you want to chat about working together. Space to be Human Lab – Curious about Cranial? Get $15 off for the month of October (use code CRANIAL) when you book your session for the month of October. – Remember that Meditation Medley class I was offering? Well, if you would like to check out a few different types of meditation (a tool that can also be helpful for processing trauma), as well as get some tips for developing your own practice, check out the recordings here. Newsletter signup If you would like to sign up to get it sent to you directly, please click here. |